As parents, we often find ourselves overwhelmed by societal expectations and the pressure to be perfect. Striving for perfection can lead to stress, anxiety, and unrealistic standards that may overshadow our experience of parenting. In this blog post, we'll explore the concept of "good enough parenting" and discuss how embracing imperfection can create a more balanced, joyful, and fulfilling parenting experience.
Redefining Perfect
Perfection is an elusive goal that can never truly be achieved. I'm here to tell you that being a perfect parent is an impossible task; if you're striving for this, you will fail. Therefore, it is important to find way to shift your focus towards being a good enough parent. This means accepting that mistakes and imperfections are a natural part of the parenting journey and that they can be valuable opportunities for growth.
Perfectionism can cause significant stress for parents that can have wider impacts on our physical and mental health, and our attachment relationship with our children. Allowing yourself to make mistakes and show vulnerability means your child will learn valuable skills in resilience.
My Top Tips for finding balance
Put on your own oxygen mask first
Telling people they need to prioritise self-care can often feel very counterintuitive; if it were that easy, we'd be doing it! But being a good enough parent also means taking care of yourself. Whilst pouring from an empty cup is possible for many parents, it's going to lead to burnout real quickly. Remember that you are an individual with needs, desires, and limitations. Whether it's carving out time for hobbies, seeking support from loved ones, or practising mindfulness, find ways to care for yourself. Finding ways that can recharge and maintain your wellbeing means you can show up as your best self for your children. It is also really important to remember that our children learn through observation; if they see that you don't prioritise yourself, they'll grow up doing this too.
Quality over Quantity
When there are so many demands on our time, we can often be distracted by the other competing needs we have all the time. Whether that's thinking about booking the GP appointment for your child while you're in the middle of a meeting or thinking about that report you need to send out while you're doing bedtime with your little one, our mind often isn't in what we're doing right now.
Good enough parenting emphasises the quality of time spent rather than the quantity. Create meaningful connections with your children by being fully present during shared moments. Engage in activities that promote bonding and communication, such as reading together, playing games, or singing to them. Remember, it's not about the quantity of time but the quality of the interactions that truly matter.
Setting Realistic Expectations
Society bombards us with idealised images of parenting: meals cooked from scratch multiple times a day, perfectly planned sensory trays, or beautifully organised and tidy homes. This can lead to unrealistic expectations. Good enough parenting involves setting realistic expectations for yourself and your children. Recognise that each child is unique and will have their own strengths, challenges, and developmental timelines. Focus on nurturing their individuality, supporting their passions, and encouraging their growth at a pace that feels right for them, and you!
Develop compassion for yourself
By practising self-compassion, we can begin to view our own imperfections with kindness and understanding. This can feel unusual, or even impossible, because of the way we have been conditioned throughout our lives. You might want to start by treating yourself as you would a friend—with warmth and without judgment—when mistakes or tough days happen. What would you say to that friend? What tone of voice would you speak to them in? How would you respond to the things your mind is telling you, if your friend was saying them about themselves?
Parenting is a journey that requires patience, flexibility, and self-reflection. By embracing the concept of good enough parenting, we can release ourselves from the burden of unattainable perfection. Remember, it's about finding balance, joy, and fulfilment in the everyday moments with our children. And remember, you don't need to enjoy every moment; but if you're not enjoying some of those moments, do reach out and seek support.
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