We've all heard it, "sleep when the baby sleeps", likely one of the most frustrating things you've heard since becoming a parent. Many parents struggle with sleep; 2019 survey indicated that 61% of parents reported getting less than six hours of sleep per night, far below the recommended seven to eight hours. But what happens when you really truly cannot sleep when the baby sleeps; when the world is still but your brain is keeping you awake?
Parental insomnia is an area that is often not discussed. It not only leaves parents feeling fatigued but also has significant impacts on mental health, physical health and family interactions. Addressing parental insomnia is essential for maintaining the wellbeing of both parents and children.
What is Parental Insomnia?
Parental insomnia is a specific type of sleep disturbance experienced by parents. It typically involves difficulties in falling asleep, staying asleep, or waking up too early. Unlike general insomnia, which can affect anyone, parental insomnia is closely related to the challenges of raising children.
Several factors can contribute to parental insomnia including hormonal changes, stress and disrupted sleep patterns.
Stress and Anxiety
Parenting comes with numerous stressors, such as financial worries, emotional challenges, and time constraints. This accumulation of stress can make it tough to relax at night, disrupting sleep. When our stress hormone, cortisol, is high, it makes it harder to fall to asleep. Think about it, when we were cave people, the stress we felt at night would keep us awake to protect our family from being eaten by lions. Even though our environment is much safer now, our brain is still wired this way!
Disrupted Sleep Patterns
Being a parent means frequent interruptions during the night for many. Frequent waking in babies is highly protective for them, although can be really challenging for parents. Even as they grow, parents will still wake up to respond to their child's needs, leading to chronic sleep deprivation. These disrupted patterns of sleep can have long-term effects on your ability to fall and stay asleep.
Hormonal Changes
New mothers are particularly affected by hormonal changes after childbirth. Fluctuations in hormones such as progesterone can disrupt sleep patterns, impacting both mood and energy levels. Research has shown that postpartum hormonal changes may extend sleep difficulties for up to a year, particularly affecting mood and stress levels.
The Cycle of Overthinking
Many people find that nighttime stillness amplifies their thoughts about daily events or future worries. A survey indicated that 68% of parents reported having racing thoughts at bedtime, contributing to their sleep issues. Overthinking often leads to difficulty falling asleep and can create a cycle of insomnia.
Coping with Parental Insomnia: 5 Expert Tips
While parental insomnia may feel overwhelming, there are effective strategies that can promote better sleep.
1. Establish a Relaxing Bedtime Routine
Just as we encourage you to do for your baby, creating a calming bedtime routine is essential for parents too. Engage in activities that help signal your body it's time to wind down. This might include having a bath or a shower, using a pillow spray, reading a book, listening to a podcast or practising mindfulness. This intentional effort can help ease you from the pace of your busy day into a more relaxed state. Having a routine signals to the brain that it is time to switch off. This can be more difficult for parents who have a child who needs their closeness to fall asleep, but think about what is possible for you.
2. Create a Sleep-Friendly Environment
Make your sleep environment as inviting as possible. Research shows that having an optimal sleep environment can improve sleep quality by up to 30%. Aim for a dark, quiet space that is kept at a cool temperature. Using blackout curtains and white noise machines can block out disturbances.
3. Limit Screen Time Before Bed
The blue light from screens can disrupt melatonin production, a hormone essential for sleep. Try to turn off electronic devices at least one hour before going to bed. Instead of scrolling through your phone, consider reading a book or engaging in quiet activities that help calm your mind. Not only can screens disrupt the biological processes needed to fall asleep, but consuming content online can increase our feelings of stress, further impacting on sleep.
4. develop strategies to reduce overthinking
To help reduce overthinking and improve sleep, try setting a dedicated "worry time" earlier in the evening. This is a set time to write down concerns, brainstorm solutions, or simply acknowledge what’s on your mind. By allowing space for worries earlier in the day, your brain can start to see bedtime as a time for rest rather than a time to solve problems. Some people find it helpful to have a notebook and pen by their bed to note down any worries and know they can address these the next day.
5. Seek Support
Don’t hesitate to reach out for help from your partner, family, or friends, if these are people within your network. Sharing nighttime responsibilities can lighten the load on one parent, allowing for more significant sleep opportunities, although this is not always possible if you are breastfeeding, or if your child has a parental preference. If insomnia continues, consider talking to a healthcare professional who can provide further support to regain restful sleep.
Addressing the Challenge of Parental Insomnia
Parental insomnia represents a significant challenge that many caregivers face, affecting their overall well-being. By understanding the underlying causes and applying effective coping strategies, parents can improve their sleep quality. Remember, caring for yourself is essential not only for your health but also for your ability to nurture your children.
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