As new parents, we strive to provide the best possible care and nurturing environment for our little ones. One framework I have found parents really benefit from in their parenting is the "Circle of Security." In this blog post, we will delve into the Circle of Security framework, understand its core principles, and explore how it can empower all parents.
Understanding the Circle of Security
The Circle of Security is a well-established framework developed by psychologists Glen Cooper, Kent Hoffman, and Bert Powell. It revolves around the idea that for children to grow into emotionally resilient individuals, they need a secure base from which to explore the world. The Circle of Security focuses on nurturing this secure attachment between parents and their children, fostering trust, and supporting emotional growth. It can be really helpful in many areas of parenting, from navigating risk taking, setting boundaries and considering how you want to respond to different behaviours that may be challenging.
The Core Principles of Circle of security
1. Secure Base: As a parent, being a secure base means providing a safe and consistent presence for your child. It involves being available, responsive, and attuned to their needs, allowing them to explore the world confidently, knowing that they can return to you for support.
2. Safe Haven: Acting as a safe haven, you offer comfort and reassurance when your child feels overwhelmed, scared, or distressed. Your presence creates a haven where they can seek solace and find emotional support.
3. Exploration and Autonomy: Encouraging your child's curiosity and independence is an essential aspect of the Circle of Security. By fostering an environment that allows them to explore, make choices, and express their emotions freely, you help them develop a sense of autonomy and self-confidence.
4. Mindful Reflective Functioning: Mindful reflective functioning involves being aware of your child's emotional state, understanding their needs, and responding in a thoughtful and empathetic manner. This principle encourages parents to recognize and regulate their own emotions, enhancing their ability to support their child's emotional well-being effectively.
Applying the Circle of Security
1. Building Trust: Trust is the cornerstone of a secure attachment. Responding promptly and sensitively to your baby's cues, meeting their needs, and providing a predictable routine helps build trust and establish the foundation for secure attachment.
2. Communication and Emotional Availability: Be present and engaged in your interactions with your child. Maintain eye contact, use nurturing touch, and actively listen to their cues. Creating a warm and responsive environment strengthens the parent-child bond.
3. Emotional Co-Regulation: As your child grows, they will encounter a wide range of emotions. By modelling healthy emotional regulation and providing a calm and supportive presence during challenging moments, you help them develop their own emotional coping skills.
4. Reflecting on Parenting Patterns: Take time to reflect on your own parenting patterns and understand how they may impact your child's attachment. Seek support from trusted sources, such as parenting groups, therapists, or educational resources, to help you navigate any challenges or unresolved issues.
shark music
One of my favourite things in Circle of Security is the idea of "Shark Music". Imagine the suspenseful music that plays in a shark scene in a movie, that tense feeling in your body when you know something "dangerous" is about to happen. In parenting, “shark music” is a metaphor for the inner anxieties or triggers that pop up in response to our child’s behaviour, even when there’s no real danger at all. If you were taught as a child to keep your emotions in check, you might feel a bit panicked or tense when your child is having a big emotional moment. That tension is your “shark music” playing; it’s your body telling you that you’re uncomfortable, and it can make it hard to respond calmly or compassionately. Instead, you might want to shut down or try to quickly control your child’s emotions to feel more at ease.
The beauty of noticing our “shark music” is that it gives us the chance to pause and recognise when our own past experiences or insecurities are affecting our responses to our kids. By tuning in to these feelings, we can choose how to respond rather than reacting automatically. Becoming aware of “shark music” helps us stay present with our child’s needs and offer the comfort and support they’re looking for, building a stronger, more secure bond.
By embracing the principles of providing a secure base, safe haven, encouraging exploration and autonomy, and practising mindful reflective functioning, you can create a nurturing environment that fosters emotional growth and resilience.
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